Afraid to say "Lolita"

I've been interested in Lolita fashion for a long time now. It started out just as a curiosity. I never really knew or cared about fashion in any sense. Jeans and band tees were all I needed. Then one day I started reading about Lolita, checking out blogs and articles and various sites, checking out the brands' web stores, and so on. One of the first things I came across was a Lolita confessions blog, and the first confession I read said something along the lines of "I've been interested in Lolita for many years, but haven't dared to even buy one dress until recently. I felt that I needed to do lots of research and know as much as possible or I would be rejected by more experienced Lolitas."

This confession instilled a fear in me. I'm already self-conscious and afraid to draw attention to myself, but the memory of that confession and what I have seen and experienced on blogs like Behind the Bows, make me afraid to call myself Lolita. I don't even refer to myself as a hopeful Lolita, a Lolita-to-be, or anything like that. I'm just "interested in Lolita fashion".

I bought a JSK from Bodyline. I'm honestly not sure whether it would get me labeled "ita" (which I think is a ridiculous, pointlessly rude term), but just in case, I don't exactly show it off. I did post photos of myself in it when I first received it, and then again when I received my petticoat, but I never tagged these photos because I didn't want it to end up on BTB, and I didn't want to risk being ripped apart by internet Lolitas.

I guess I shouldn't have picked such an out-there style, being so afraid of criticism. Yet here I am writing a public blog post about it.

I'm hoping that when I receive the second dress I bought, a simple Gothic piece, I'll be less afraid. Back in eighth grade I was a pseudo-Goth, so I figure that's more within my limited field of knowledge. Which is not to say I'm ditching the pink Bodyline piece. I'll just have to figure out a neat co-ord before daring to wear it and call myself Lolita.

Maybe I'm too ignorant about the world of fashion, but I don't understand the need for super rigid rules, not to mention young women on the internet harshly "reinforcing" these rules. I don't understand the need for harsh and hurtful terms like "ita" and especially "fatty-chan". (I don't understand the reason for judgement based on weight at all, but maybe that's just because I've always been fat and kind.) I've been told it's because fat people look bad in everything; that fat people bring a bad name to everything they're involved in; that picking apart a beginner's co-ord is just motivation for them to do better. In my opinion, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and motivation through degradation is never effective.